It funny how the older I get, the more cautious I am about friendships. Is this the self-fulfilling claim of my increasing cynicism and skeptism towards people and their motives? Why is it that trust is such a hard thing to give out now. Seriously, people who are too kind sometimes scare me.

Friendships made now seem like such a fragile entity. The workings of it could be considered somewhat childish too - you liked me yesterday, how about today, etc...I miss the certainty, the security. There are of course some friendships I just know is real. I know for certain that the gang from HSC won't ditch me one day. I know that they love me and would always want the best for me. This feeling is mutual.

I'm so sick of having to question new friendships made now, knowing that once situations change, we'd probably only see one another about once a semester or not at all. Sometimes, people are too busy going through life. I know that. I understand. But I still wish for the time when I knew, probably immediately, that this person was in for real.....

So, looks like UNC's is famous again. haha.

we were chosen to be the place to represent the state of North Carolina on ABC's Good Morning America's 50 states in 50 days tour. yay! i didn't wake up to go the live broadcast though. somehow, standing out in the cold at 6am in the morning after 2-3 hours of sleep, doesn't seem appealling at the time. oh well, will go online to check out the videos. AND YOU SHOULD TOO!!

looking back, everytime i start to take unc for granted, or start having doubts about my choice of school, something happens to reinforce my choice, to make everything ok again. never have i experienced a school with such pride and school spirit in ALL that they do. the kind of cohesiveness unc has is something i've always longed for in a school. can't believe how lucky i am to be here. =)

Its hurricane season now. So don't panic when you see North Carolina as one of the possible places to be hit. Thanks though for your emails and messages regarding Hanna. I didn't know they would feature that storm in news back home. I'd think they would focus more on the upcoming one (Ike - likely to be a Category 4 hurricane).

So far life's been busy. Juggling school, work, research, the singapore association, volunteering and everything else i want to do within the 24 hours and 7 days a week i have. I know I know, I'll probably start hearing people nag again. But somehow, in the short period of time i have here, as an undergrad, i really really want to do it all. I admire those who don't need much sleep. haha.

the new batch of singaporeans are great. different but still lots of fun. they all have their own varied, unique quirkiness though. which definitely makes life interesting. =) however, i still do miss the batch from last year. i miss our large group dinners and long long long conversations about everything and nothing. i miss the random and celebratory trips to coldstone. and i miss the movie nights and basketball games and the cooking and study sessions in the basement of the union.

most of you might be wondering why i flew thousands of miles to the other side of the world to hang out with singaporeans. I have american friends ok! =P but ya, these are just random thoughts. wanted to throw it out there to pacify those who think my blog is dead (its getting there i think!) and to just capture whats in my head at the moment.

ok, so this is some random thing that xinyi wants me to do. and i think at the end i'm supposed to tag someone to do this questionnaire too. AND i tag CARINE LIM!!! you still read my blog girl??

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

my lover.....uh huh. well upset i guess...angry too. i'll probably be ranting to somebody about it. haha


#2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

lots of things actually. but if i could only have one then i'd say travel to different places.

#3. If you could be at one place right now, where would it be?

home.

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?

yup. have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life. dun even know whether i'm in the right field.

#5. What's your ideal lover like?

not answering this.

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

loved by someone

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

really love? if i really really really love someone, i could wait for years. but then again, saying is very different from doing. so i have to say i have no idea.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

try to forget him.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

yup.

#10. What do you want most in life?

i want my family and friends to be happy.

#11. Is being tagged fun?

well, if you call constant nagging to do this fun.....

haha. joking la. i wouldn't call it fun. interesting. not fun (don't hit me when i get back!)


#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time?

refer to question number 4.

#13. Who is the current most important person to you?

My Family.

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

xinyi is a great person, even though she's too hard on herself (you're too hard on yourself). basically, if she sets her mind to it, she can do whatever she wants. a great friend and someone i really enjoy talking too, even though our taste in subject and probably continents are very different.

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?

either way is fine i guess. if you asked whether i'd give up marriage to be rich, THAT is a whole other thing.

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be?

i wanna dog. never had pets before. fishes don't count cos they didn't last very long. didn't even have time to come up with names for them! sheesh

#17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do?

make someone upset. but i think no one really wants to make anyone upset. sorry about the vague and generic answers. heh

#18. What kind of person do you think you are?

i need my space sometimes. if we click, we can talk for hours. i'm actually a bum, whether people believe this or not.

#19. What do you define as a bad day?

When i feel that i am the lousiest person on earth. (stole this from xinwei)

#20. If you have to choose between love and friendship, what would it be?

can't have both?

Recently, the church that i attend here has been doing a series about living life with a margin. Evidently, margins give people space/time and this is where relationships are able to flourish.

This semester has been a whole lot busier than the last. Taking on a heavier course load, working and being involved in more activities is starting to take its toll (especially over these 2 weeks). Its when i'm starting to think about whether all this stuff in my life is really necessary, then the message hits home. Life without margins really isn't living at all. There hasn't really been time to be with friends or even remember to be with friends. There hasn't been enough time to study properly. And my sleeping hours have become erratic. As this occurs, my standards about study drops (quite a lot), my energy level dips and I start to think less about other people (i haven't seen some people in weeks). Its an understatement to say "this is bad".

I want to say things will be better and that I'll remove most of my load soon after setting my priorities straight. but i can't. not right now. right now, my mantra is "survive this week". After this week, we'll see....you know what, I take my first statement back. things will get better, after this week. then hopefully, my posts will sound more optimistic and happy. =)

Lord, grant me the patience to await your guidance and direction and the ability to tell the difference between my needs and wants.

Happy New Year everyone!

Tis the season to reminisce and make new resolutions. I shall only do the former. Resolutions don't always work for me and they usually become forgotten by Feb. Moreover my main resolution hasn't really changed in the last few years. So i don't think i need to make a new one.

2007 has been a huge milestone in my life. Getting the a level results....working for the first time in my life....looking for a job (thats a first too)...deciding which college to go to and sticking with my decision...saying goodbye to family and friends and country for 1 and a half years...experiencing college...making new friends....dealing with homesickness and longing for closer relationships...and lots and lots more.

It just amazing, the journey I've been through so far. And its amazing that I got through it.

2007 also marks a deeper dependence on God. Without friends and family here, I tended to turn to God more and more often for help. Or to complain. i think this is a good start.

Well cheers to 2008! I hope it will be as eventful as 2007. (I might regret this statement later....)