Hi! Its been a long time. Sorry about that.

So what's happened since the last time most of us met. I'll be finishing college in may 2010. Planning on applying to grad school. And see what happens from there.

School's been good. Gonna take the second summer session (intro to immunology and physics) so that I can squeeze in more classes during the fall and spring semester. My original plan was to actually take summer session so as to lessen my usual semester load, but I somehow always seem to find something else to squeeze into my schedule, so i've given up trying to lighten it and decided to live with the fact that i will always be busy. Which is kinda a good thing.

I've decided to also just settle with getting a history minor instead of a major, in favour of doing more science classes, since I realize that I've filled my entire college transcript with a pretty good balance of arts and science classes, so i'd better tip the balance a bit. Giving up the history major was a really tough decision. I really wanted that one. Sigh. But I guess I have to just keep my mind on my future goal, cos if you really look at it, the history major would end up being asthetically pleasing.

Anyway, I'll probably be back in Singapore next summer. So i'll get the chance to see everyone again. Hopefully this time, I'll be able to spend a good bit of time with everyone instead of having to rush everywhere like in Dec. I'll also be doing my grad school applications at home too. So go find me there!

It funny how the older I get, the more cautious I am about friendships. Is this the self-fulfilling claim of my increasing cynicism and skeptism towards people and their motives? Why is it that trust is such a hard thing to give out now. Seriously, people who are too kind sometimes scare me.

Friendships made now seem like such a fragile entity. The workings of it could be considered somewhat childish too - you liked me yesterday, how about today, etc...I miss the certainty, the security. There are of course some friendships I just know is real. I know for certain that the gang from HSC won't ditch me one day. I know that they love me and would always want the best for me. This feeling is mutual.

I'm so sick of having to question new friendships made now, knowing that once situations change, we'd probably only see one another about once a semester or not at all. Sometimes, people are too busy going through life. I know that. I understand. But I still wish for the time when I knew, probably immediately, that this person was in for real.....

So, looks like UNC's is famous again. haha.

we were chosen to be the place to represent the state of North Carolina on ABC's Good Morning America's 50 states in 50 days tour. yay! i didn't wake up to go the live broadcast though. somehow, standing out in the cold at 6am in the morning after 2-3 hours of sleep, doesn't seem appealling at the time. oh well, will go online to check out the videos. AND YOU SHOULD TOO!!

looking back, everytime i start to take unc for granted, or start having doubts about my choice of school, something happens to reinforce my choice, to make everything ok again. never have i experienced a school with such pride and school spirit in ALL that they do. the kind of cohesiveness unc has is something i've always longed for in a school. can't believe how lucky i am to be here. =)

Its hurricane season now. So don't panic when you see North Carolina as one of the possible places to be hit. Thanks though for your emails and messages regarding Hanna. I didn't know they would feature that storm in news back home. I'd think they would focus more on the upcoming one (Ike - likely to be a Category 4 hurricane).

So far life's been busy. Juggling school, work, research, the singapore association, volunteering and everything else i want to do within the 24 hours and 7 days a week i have. I know I know, I'll probably start hearing people nag again. But somehow, in the short period of time i have here, as an undergrad, i really really want to do it all. I admire those who don't need much sleep. haha.

the new batch of singaporeans are great. different but still lots of fun. they all have their own varied, unique quirkiness though. which definitely makes life interesting. =) however, i still do miss the batch from last year. i miss our large group dinners and long long long conversations about everything and nothing. i miss the random and celebratory trips to coldstone. and i miss the movie nights and basketball games and the cooking and study sessions in the basement of the union.

most of you might be wondering why i flew thousands of miles to the other side of the world to hang out with singaporeans. I have american friends ok! =P but ya, these are just random thoughts. wanted to throw it out there to pacify those who think my blog is dead (its getting there i think!) and to just capture whats in my head at the moment.

ok, so this is some random thing that xinyi wants me to do. and i think at the end i'm supposed to tag someone to do this questionnaire too. AND i tag CARINE LIM!!! you still read my blog girl??

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

my lover.....uh huh. well upset i guess...angry too. i'll probably be ranting to somebody about it. haha


#2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

lots of things actually. but if i could only have one then i'd say travel to different places.

#3. If you could be at one place right now, where would it be?

home.

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?

yup. have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life. dun even know whether i'm in the right field.

#5. What's your ideal lover like?

not answering this.

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

loved by someone

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

really love? if i really really really love someone, i could wait for years. but then again, saying is very different from doing. so i have to say i have no idea.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

try to forget him.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

yup.

#10. What do you want most in life?

i want my family and friends to be happy.

#11. Is being tagged fun?

well, if you call constant nagging to do this fun.....

haha. joking la. i wouldn't call it fun. interesting. not fun (don't hit me when i get back!)


#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time?

refer to question number 4.

#13. Who is the current most important person to you?

My Family.

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

xinyi is a great person, even though she's too hard on herself (you're too hard on yourself). basically, if she sets her mind to it, she can do whatever she wants. a great friend and someone i really enjoy talking too, even though our taste in subject and probably continents are very different.

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?

either way is fine i guess. if you asked whether i'd give up marriage to be rich, THAT is a whole other thing.

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be?

i wanna dog. never had pets before. fishes don't count cos they didn't last very long. didn't even have time to come up with names for them! sheesh

#17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do?

make someone upset. but i think no one really wants to make anyone upset. sorry about the vague and generic answers. heh

#18. What kind of person do you think you are?

i need my space sometimes. if we click, we can talk for hours. i'm actually a bum, whether people believe this or not.

#19. What do you define as a bad day?

When i feel that i am the lousiest person on earth. (stole this from xinwei)

#20. If you have to choose between love and friendship, what would it be?

can't have both?

Recently, the church that i attend here has been doing a series about living life with a margin. Evidently, margins give people space/time and this is where relationships are able to flourish.

This semester has been a whole lot busier than the last. Taking on a heavier course load, working and being involved in more activities is starting to take its toll (especially over these 2 weeks). Its when i'm starting to think about whether all this stuff in my life is really necessary, then the message hits home. Life without margins really isn't living at all. There hasn't really been time to be with friends or even remember to be with friends. There hasn't been enough time to study properly. And my sleeping hours have become erratic. As this occurs, my standards about study drops (quite a lot), my energy level dips and I start to think less about other people (i haven't seen some people in weeks). Its an understatement to say "this is bad".

I want to say things will be better and that I'll remove most of my load soon after setting my priorities straight. but i can't. not right now. right now, my mantra is "survive this week". After this week, we'll see....you know what, I take my first statement back. things will get better, after this week. then hopefully, my posts will sound more optimistic and happy. =)

Lord, grant me the patience to await your guidance and direction and the ability to tell the difference between my needs and wants.

Happy New Year everyone!

Tis the season to reminisce and make new resolutions. I shall only do the former. Resolutions don't always work for me and they usually become forgotten by Feb. Moreover my main resolution hasn't really changed in the last few years. So i don't think i need to make a new one.

2007 has been a huge milestone in my life. Getting the a level results....working for the first time in my life....looking for a job (thats a first too)...deciding which college to go to and sticking with my decision...saying goodbye to family and friends and country for 1 and a half years...experiencing college...making new friends....dealing with homesickness and longing for closer relationships...and lots and lots more.

It just amazing, the journey I've been through so far. And its amazing that I got through it.

2007 also marks a deeper dependence on God. Without friends and family here, I tended to turn to God more and more often for help. Or to complain. i think this is a good start.

Well cheers to 2008! I hope it will be as eventful as 2007. (I might regret this statement later....)

It'll be Christmas in less than 2 hours!! actually by the time i finish writing this post, it'll probably be 1.

The holidays on the whole have been great. its really good to just kick back and relax without having to think or stress over any impending exams or papers due. i still haven't done my sitting-at-a-cafe-drinking-coffee-and-reading-my-book thing yet and sadly it'll have to be postponed until further notice.

Christmas here is a little more traditional and a lot of times I feel like i'm on the sidelines watching a movie of people's lives as they celebrate Christmas with family and friends. Its a relatively new experience though and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Too bad there's no snow.

Anyway, for those who still read this blog, a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! =D

Its Dec 11 and guess what! its 21 degrees outside. 21!!! and it is predicted to go to a high of 26 degrees later. sheesh! talk about global warming and crazy weather patterns.

well i guess i'll have to put away my winter coats for a while and change back to berms and t-shirts. not complaining though, i rather trudge to exams in summer clothes than wade through 4701384601inches of snow. hehe.

Its not new when I say humans are really adverse to change and the unknown. However, its the impact of realizing how true this is that really hits home. Coming here was supposed to get me to step out of my comfort zone. It was supposed to get me to acknowledge and deal with the uncertainty of living. It was supposed to allow me to see how far I can push myself and find out my boundaries. And so far it has.

However, I also realized that too much change and uncertainty in one go can be so overwhelming that I just desperately reach out and grasp whatever that is familiar within my sight. Many times I do this at the expense of experiencing something new or something I will potentially like and enjoy. When these things happen, I'm thankful for the many friends who have their heads screwed on right to remind me that life is like this and I shouldn't crawl back into my comfort zone and huddle in a corner just because things could potentially go wrong if I tried it out. What happens if something DOES go right. I always forget that. Its an option I usually and very naturally pass over.

Thanks for listening to my problems guys and feel free to shove me out of my comfort zone whenever you see me crawling back there again.

It Thanksgiving Break now and I'm spending it at my friend's place.

before i left i really couldn't decide whether this break is a good thing or not and its a dilemma thats been bugging me every now and then throughout the holidays. Its such a bad time for a break! Exams, tests, papers, debates and final projects are due soon. so soon its scary. sometimes i just want to skip school and mug all day at the library so that i can catch up with my studies. URGH. I've become such a nerd! i'm scaring myself!

This was my first real thanksgiving and its nothing like what i expected thanksgiving to be. which is a good thing because i've enjoyed myself immensely. my friend's family travels to her grandparent's place for thanksgiving and they celebrate it at the local hunting club. yes, you didn't read wrongly. HUNTING CLUB. on the morning of thanksgiving, the men and boys and a few girls will go out early to deer hunt. every family will contribute dishes and everyone gathers for a thanksgiving lunch. i even got to try my hand at hunting in the afternoon. i didn't see anything though which was quite sad. by the end of the hunting trip i just wanted to shoot at something. anything!

despite my concerns over studies, i think the holiday came at a good time for me emotionally. i knew i was getting a little homesick but i didn't know how homesick i was until i got to my friend's place. just seeing her family and being with them really reminded me of home. they really made me feel very comfortable and a part of their family. i cannot thank them enough for this release.

hmmm, maybe this break did a lot of good for me afterall. although i didn't get all my work done (or even a little) i think i'm rejuvenated for the study marathon up ahead.

To all who're having their exams now, JIAYOU! and to those who're having their break now....i dun like you very much. =P

hi! i realize it isn't exactly convenient to post all my pics on this blog, so i have all my pics in another site. here's the link: http://uxgnit.multiply.com/

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see so clearly

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Chorus

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing Your praise
Than when we first begun

i'm gonna share all the new songs i learnt in church, intervarsity and campus crusade.

Halloween was last Wednesday. I didn't dress up...but there were many people who did.

In the US, Halloween is a BIG thing. shops have decorations for Halloween and costume and thrift shops really thrive during this period. people take days, weeks and sometimes even months to design and do up their costumes.

In Chapel Hill, the town closes off the largest street downtown and it turns into a giant Halloween party. about 75,000 people, including students, residents, out-of-staters and people from all over North Carolina, turn up. i was told that after 11pm the place becomes crazy and that i shouldn't expect to leave with every single person in the group i come with cos the place is so crowded. so me being me, i vowed to leave franklin street before 11pm.

while walking to franklin street, we could already see drunk people staggering around and paramedics attending to a guy who had already passed out. even before stepping onto the street, the strong smell of alcohol hits me. fortunately, it was about 9.45pm so the place wasn't so crowded yet.

most people were dressed up. cope lined the street. beside many groups of them were bins of confiscated alcohol, plastic knives, a random triton and any other potentially harmful objects (real or fake).

at franklin street, i was given a taste of the best of human creativity and lack thereof. imaginations really soared here. i saw a group of tetris bricks and tons of spongebob squarepants and harry potters. there were also of course some really distasteful getups like a pregnant britney spears, etc. (I shall not elaborate).

you might ask, what did i do at franklin. i asked the same question to friends before i went. the answer. just walked back and forth. really. thats what they do. walk back and forth to show off their costume or comment on others. if you want your costume commented on, 2 extremes, either make your props so huge people cannot walk past without seeing them, or wear as little as possible so that people cannot walk past without seeing them or it or whatever.

it was a new experience. not something i would want to experience again unless i have nothing to do that night. but it was an experience. not sure what to make of it though other than the fact that this festival seems so hollow and meaningless to me.

On Oct 28 2007, another lost sheep found her way back to the shepherd.

Join me as we praise God for his work.

Washington was so much more than i expected and then some.

There was so much that I learnt during the trip that its difficult to fully process them all. Right now, i'm afraid that as i get caught up in the hussle of school, i might forget them all.

The trip was really worth every bit of that $25. I got glimpses of dc that no tour group would bring me. I met people so different and unique in culture, background and ideology and yet so similar in desires and dreams that as I reflect, i'm still reeling from the amazement and wonder that such a small group of 13 could contain such diverse people.

As we visited the homeless shelters, temporary housing, non-profit groups and soup kitchens I found my stereotypes of shelters and homeless people melting away. I'm sure that there are shelters and homeless people that fit my initial stereotype. However, i know now that they come in different forms. The realization that anyone can one day become homeless, including me, is also something new to me. And its a very terrifying idea.

When I went on the trip, all I wanted was to know more about homelessness and maybe get a little sightseeing done. Now, after getting to actually meet and interact with some of the homeless or previously homeless, i've become more aware of the fact that these are people, with lives and desires and dreams and pasts, not something i walk past along the street or sometimes not even notice at all.

i think that sometimes i forget that they are people, in the midst of my fear and uncertainty and skeptism towards them. most times i just try to avoid them altogether. this not exactly something i'm proud of. but coming back from that trip, i'm gonna try to change. its a work in progress.

I would blog about my washington dc trip. but this is more important...

To everyone reading this, please pray for rain because there is drought in the south eastern area of the United States (including North Carolina).

I heard there is only 90 days worth of water left in NC.

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus